Release date: 2013-08-13

There are not a few people who are afraid of the old. For them, the arrow of time may be the most ruthless thing in the world, not only "fast", but also "one-way": the 2013 calendar has turned over half of the calendar. "Why are people afraid of old? That is an anxiety about death." Weng Yinyin, deputy director of the psychological counseling department of Shenzhen Kangning Hospital, believes. Some people may refute: I am not afraid of death, I am afraid that youth is no longer, fear that power is no longer... In fact, these "fear" have one thing in common: in essence, they all mean "lost", and death is undoubtedly One person loses the most. In a competitive environment, people are more afraid of old age, and old means loss of advantage. "Old, dead, sick, and connected. Being afraid of old people, my heart is not really afraid of being old. In fact, I am afraid of death. Old, It means more and more useless, and more and more to death. If there is no old, sick, how happy people are." Weng Yinyin pointed out that everyone has deep feelings of anxiety about old age, death and illness. The deepest anxiety of man. She pointed out that in the previous agricultural society, the horror of old, dead and sick was not as strong as that of people in industrial society. When civilization evolves, competition becomes stronger, and the required "self" becomes more and more prominent, people must show their ability to show that they are more capable and superior than others. "In such a society, people's anxiety is greatly increased. I am afraid that old is one of the outstanding performances." Therefore, when people are very young, they feel that "the old woman is terrible" because "old" means many advantages. The loss will be at a disadvantage in the competition. Some elderly people say that they are not afraid of "death" or "old", that is, they are afraid of "illness." But if death really comes, he may not be afraid. Weng Yinying believes that this is to regard death as an "end point" rather than a "process" because in the process of illness, it is in the process of death. Others say that they are old and not afraid of death, but they are out of helplessness, because death is something that cannot be escaped anyway. Therefore, in real life, no matter young people or elders with high ages, people are generally afraid of being old, afraid of illness and fear of death. "Achievement" is obtained through "anxiety symptoms" and lives in the "I am losing" state. However, reason tells us that old, dead, and sick are objective facts in life, and no one can hide. In this regard, our habit is: put these unpleasantness in the corner, do not look, pretend to live happily. But is this our heart really calm? "At this time, our uneasiness is manifested in: desperately making money, desperately trying to improve, and feel that it is safe to earn money. If it is improved, it will be practical. In other words, we want to work harder and have greater achievements. Social recognition, so that the heart has a sense of security." Weng Yinyin sharply pointed out that these things can not cover the inner uneasiness, because these things once there is no, or less, we feel very uneasy. When Weng Yinyin was in consultation, many visitors were very afraid. In fact, they already have a lot, but they are afraid (lost), so they can't feel the happiness they have. "I asked the visitors: How can I not worry? They replied that they don't worry if they see money growing every day. If they don't increase, they will worry." So the moment of realization is happy, but soon As time passed, new goals emerged, so people are getting shorter and shorter. Weng Yinyin pointed out that the factor behind this is anxiety and want to have more. So she quoted a famous saying in psychology: "The person with the greater achievement is obtained through symptoms." In other words, those efforts, those who are uneasy, are manifestations of anxiety symptoms. Because feeling "ageing" means accelerating loss, "death" means total loss, so people tend to be scared when they own it, and they will lose their possession all day long. They always feel that there are signs that they are going to lose. Or the next moment will be lost. Weng Yinyin summed it up as follows: We often do not live on the feeling that I am owning, but live on the feeling that I am losing. Therefore, older people look at young people and feel young, good, energetic, youthful, and infinitely possible. Young people think that this is normal, but they are not slim enough, strong enough, and not smart enough. "The eyes are all staring at places that are not as good as others, and where they are going to be lost. This is a misunderstanding of human beings." "Perfect self" creates pain, and "complete self" is enough anxiety for everyone, psychologists often do. The matter is: from a psychological point of view, how to guide visitors to see how this anxiety feels, how to live in the "I am living now" state, see "I have the ability", not "I am not as good as others" ". You need to know a simple truth: always compare your own deficiencies with others, but compare them to you, you are still you. Some people will say that it is better than others to let them know where to make some fine-tuning. On this, Weng Yinyin pointed out that it is not possible, and it is not necessary: ​​Why do you want to be someone else? An example she often gives to visitors is: Do you think daffodils, roses, who is better? Daffodil said, if I have a rose, it would be so beautiful; the rose said, I really want to have a clear position of daffodils. "In fact, you only need to grow your own way. Some people like it, some people don't like it. This is something you can't manage and don't care about." So, "grow yourself into a complete self" is enough. But now people think is "to become a perfect self", Weng Yinyin said: then it is troublesome. "Old" means "worse" than now, so what? So people are suffering, the daffodils are struggling to become roses, and the roses are struggling to become daffodils, but they are struggling and more painful. What is "complete" yourself? For example, there are seeds, seeds, start to germinate, grow green leaves, bloom, and, finally, return to the soil. Many people just want to sprout, as long as they bloom, the latter process does not want to have, I think the result is too old, and death is terrible. "In fact, we must see: from germination to returning to the soil, this is a complete process of life, and it is a natural law." Experts suggest that you can see the leaves and death in the heart of "I" and understand them as disappearing. No, no, the "old" is understood as "lost", Weng Yinyin believes that in terms of individual self, such understanding will limit the individual to the "I" perspective, thus generating fear and fear. If you are not limited to the "I" perspective, will you be so scared and afraid? It won't be. How can we get out of this angle? It is not as fearful as it is to feel. Weng Yinyin believes that there are many forces in our heart. When you fully experience one of these states, this power will be transformed into positive power and turned into inner strength and moving force. If you are very afraid of illness, old age and death, first of all, do not resist or suppress this fear, and allow yourself to experience this fear. At this time, the heart will experience a transformation, you will feel the fragility of the human being, and feel a helplessness that cannot control life. When people are fragile, "I" is easy to melt, and it is easy to empathize with others. When others also have this power, you will have compassion, acceptance, and empathy with each other. This kind of compassion brings people closer. The distance between the people's hearts is put together. "So, experience the feelings and emotions of fear and fear. This kind of experience can make your state of mind transcend and enter a state of harmony." Weng Yinyin explained that it was originally like, do not like, do not hide, hide them, This is a painful mentality, and the more you are afraid of being old, the more it will affect you; and when you truly experience and feel it, there will be different changes in your heart. This is the so-called "to death": in the face of death, I live more real, more alert, and cherish the present moment, I will think about what is most important to myself. Secondly, if you are very scared of illness, old age and death, can you accept the whole process of life? To acknowledge it truthfully, accept it. If you live in your own love and dislike, you will feel pain. When your mind is quiet, you live more real. In addition, you can also be detached from "I". For example, go to nature and be one with nature. In nature, life, old age, illness, and death are all invariably changing throughout the year, day and night. If we see deeper things through these constant changes, we may feel at ease. When you melt yourself in nature, your heart will feel comfortable. You can also look at the genealogy and feel that "I" is in the family, and the heart will be comfortable. There are more and more lonely people now, and the sense of "self" is more and more prominent, and the anxiety is stronger. This is because we have two kinds of desires, one is independence, the other is love (attribution), they are merging together, and we oscillate between these two desires, want to separate together, and think together when separated for a long time. Therefore, if you understand "old" as "no", it is terrible; if you understand "incorporate me into a whole", it is not so terrible, "I" is not independent, but with nature. Together, with the family, they come out from the same source and belong to it, but they have different leaves and different colors from others. So, when we realize that "I" is not so powerful, but slowly melts, some things are no longer terrible. Just like in love, we are dedicated, never want to "How are I, how are you?", but "How are we?" - "I" has expanded, and then I am very happy.

Source: Shenzhen Special Zone Daily

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